Brick wall at 60 mph

Warning – gloomy post. If you’re not in the mood for it skip to the one below it – sorry (shrug), it’s part of my therapy 😉

I’ve finally felt like I’m having some higher energy days. And getting excited about Christmas. I still have lows but some energy has come back and I’ve felt better than I’ve felt in a long while. I was even starting to feel a bit guilty that I shouldn’t be feeling this way knowing how tough these holidays are on everybody. But then I thought I would be thrilled if I knew others were healing and feeling better and smiling more, whenever that happens I’d welcome it for any of us. But then – blam! – I got hit with a few reminders the past few weeks. Felt like I’d been smacked in the head with a 2×4. Ouch. The first one was when I was ordering packages on Amazon. I had to send several gifts to several addresses – and then “Katherine and Erik” popped up as a dropdown option. Wow was it hard to delete Katherine’s name – sucked in ways I can’t describe. Felt like this was so much deeper than just deleting her name. That completely caught me off guard – amazing how these reminders come out of nowhere and shock you like that. I remember when Erik shared pictures from Katherine’s phone a few months afterwards. I was doing fine with those until all of a sudden one of the pictures had Katherine in it – again, blam! Stopped me in my tracks – takes your breath away. My latest reminder was last night when I was opening up packages from Amazon and wrapping them in Christmas paper. I was wrapping the gifts from Erik for my kids and I had to write a tag that said “To: ” and “From: ” – writing “From: Erik” (and not adding “and Katherine”) was so hard. Sucks. Sad. Shouldn’t be this way. Miss her. Lots. So wish I could call her. Or talk with her about normal boring stuff…gifts for the kids, vacation plans, how she’s doing and feeling. Crazy how unreal this feels sometimes.

And can you believe all of the suicides and homicides and combos of both in the news lately? Colorado, Wyoming, Kansas City, etc; multiple-orgasms-per-day lady; Kansas City Chief’s linebacker; Why I Won’t Be Cheering for notre dame article by Melinda Henneberger; nurse for Princess Kate; and it goes on and on, especially if we include these mass shootings. F-d up. Maybe the world really is ending soon – go spend your last dollars morons.

All year the lyrics from two songs have bugged me – If I Die Young (Bury Me in Satin) by Band Perry and Die Young by Kedollarsignsha. Both seemed to glamorize or make light of dying way too soon. And I was surprised they got so much radio play given so many tragedies – but Sandy Hook/Newton took care of that. Ke$ha $ell$ $ea$hell$ down by the $ea$hore. $he’$ $illy and a$ $mart a$ an a$$.

Ok, we’ll end on a more positive note…see anyone you know in this video?

And finally, Christmas wouldn’t be complete without giant sugar houses!!!

One Response to “Brick wall at 60 mph”

  1. Dad and Grandpa T says:

    Guess I better try to catch up with some of the comments or you may think I don’t enjoy the updates and what all of you are up to.

    I hope your three are just pretending to eat the sugar houses. The decorating was great – I hope that was the extent of their enjoyment. I helped Preston and Cameron make one last week. I hope no one tries to eat much of the house. Today I put together a sugar train that we are taking down to the girls for them to decorate. I tried a piece of the so-called gingerbread. Even it didn’t have much appeal.

    As for the ups and downs. I know we are all having them. I sped out of the mall last week with tears in my eyes after passing the calendar kiosk. I always bought Katherine an inspirational desk calendar. I’m sure if the mall security saw me speeding toward the door they might have suspected me of having something under my coat. Like you said it’s good the kids are not going through what we adults are and are enjoying Christmas as they should. When I’m down I try to rid those thoughts and focus on the kids and the happy memories we all have. Last night I watched “It’s a Wonderful Life.” It’s my all time favorite and I always find it very uplifting when I’m in a low spot. And…despite the Mayan calendar end the sun did rise and shine on 12/22. Further, despite what we are all going through from time to time, I’m confident that the sun will continue to rise and shine – and that is also how it should be. Life goes on, not the same. I guess it’s up to us somewhat if it’s better or worse.

    If some of the songs and lyrics are so troublesome, why listen to them? Call me an old fogy, but there’s nothing like the oldies from the 50s. Times were good then and compared to today certainly an age of innocence. Very naive, but we had just whipped the bad guys in the big war and the good times would go on forever…??? If Grandma T. thought Elvis was the beginning of our downfall, maybe it’s good that her hearing was so poor and she never heard the rap crap. That to me is a clear sign we’re heading in the wrong direction.

    Regarding the media, good news has never sold well. I used to faithfully watch the 6:30 news, but lately I’ve gotten away from it. No wonder there are so many depressed people. Seems like the media likes to spread as much doom and gloom as they think people will stomach. I liked the positive news you shared and could see our favorite sixth grader peering from the back of the group. Yes, it is nice to see good news and I enjoyed that news clip.

    Keep the chin up and whenever the nasty thougts come in your mind just mentally wrap them up in an old newspaper and put them in the trash.

    Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas. Hope we can get Skype to work. We’ll talk to you on Christmas. Enjoy !


    Dad & Grandpa T.

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